Friday, 25 January 2008

The Good, The Bad and the Cinematic: P.S. I Love You

Rather than review this in a calm and composed manner, I would rather just list the reasons why this film was so unforgivably awful. I'll limit myself to ten, or we may be here all night.

1. There has never been a more unnecessarily schmaltzy film than this. My female friends watching this with me were mostly in agreement that the film wasn't that good. They still cried. Lots. You know why? Because P.S. I Love You is an emotionally manipulative mess that is sad for the sake of sadness. It brainwashes you into feeling pity for a barely likeable, let alone lovable lead character. You'd have to have anti-brainwashing training to be a woman and not leave this film in tears. Guys will be fine. We're all dead inside anyway.

2. Hilary Swank is an uggo. She looked like the most miserable woman alive. And that was before her husband died. Even when she smiled she looked suicidal. That said, I would too if I had a face like hers. It's like someone cloned Julia Roberts and then smacked her in the face with a spade. Repeatedly.

3. The film used a song by Camera Obscura, a wonderful Scottish band. This is wrong for two reasons: Firstly, they used it because it had an 'Irish' feel to the vocals. Of course, like Americans generally cannot distinguish South African from English, neither can they distinguish Scottish from Irish. And second of all: Using a band that good in a film this crap takes away from the awesomeness of the band. I don't like that. Boo to them.

4. Harry Connick Jr. is a good actor. Except, somehow, not in this. I blame poor writing and lazy thinking - his character was an unintentional charicature of about fifty other chick-flick men. A thin character, a stereotypical character. A character without character.

5. Everyone was stereotyped! Every bloody character! It made the film more predictable than the fate of a Star Trek extra.

6. Lisa Kudrow's character was detestable. Even after a speech explaining that she was allowed to be detestable because of years of men being detestable the audience is just left thinking 'but, really, ultimately, you're just a bitch, right?'

7. In a film where three of the four lead characters sing, the only one left out is the one with the bloody record contract! Harry Connick Jr. can sing. The other two men were okay (read: okay. I know Butler was in the film adaptation of Phantom, but still. No. Okay.), and Hilary Swank was (supposed to be, and succeeded in being) awful. Harry Connick Jr. can sing. Well. Blimey. Fools.

8. James Marsters was under-used. As the only good actor in the film not to inexplicably lose all skill in the process of production, it is solely down to Marsters that this film maintains it's 2/10 rating, and doesn't fall lower. Still, regardless of this he is barely seen, if at all, in the last half hour and at a brief moment of genuine interest at the funeral, when Marsters starts to tell a lad's story of the deceased, the camera drifts away from him to Swank and her dull mother, who then proceeds to talk over him. You can still hear him in the background, but can never make out the story. It's like switching on Die Hard and then locking you out of the room with the tv in.

9. The 'younger' versions of Swank and Butler is flashbacks look exactly like the modern day versions. Hilary Swank wears stupid clothes. Butler wears exactly the same look. They're supposed to be about fifteen, maybe twenty years younger. No effort. Whatsoever.

10. What sort of husband writes love letters anyway?


Have a Harry Connick Jr. track:

mp3: 'It Had To Be You' by Harry Connick Jr.

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