Facebook Band Group Analysis: Avril Lavigne

I wish I could say I have no fondness for Avril Lavigne at all. She's put out at least two awful albums, both made worse by my sister's former fondness for them, and married a member of one of my All-Time Bottom Twenty Bands. Her song 'Mobile' was one of the least sensical and most musically frustrating I knew as a sixteen year-old. 'I'm With You' just reminded me of prostitutes ("I'm standing on a bridge/I'm waiting in the dark/I thought that you'd be here by now", or "I don't know who you are but I... I'm with you").

But then she had to go and release 'Girlfriend', one of the most ridiculously immoral, fantastically fun songs of the new millenium. And then, ever so occasionally she looks like she does above. It's cruelty, it truly is. And so, it is with these mixed emotions that I approach Avril with my second Facebook Band Group Analysis: an experiment for which there has to be a better name. I'll judge Avril based upon Facebook Groups made about her in support, or in detriment to her.

Exhibit A: '♥ iF y0U l0VE AVRil lAViGNE <3'
A masterclass in how to make a bad first impression without even meeting someone, this group mixes unusual use of upper and lowercase fonts, symbols and text speak in order to let you know that everyone inside the group is an idiot. All 4,578 of them. Also features deep subjects on the discussion board along the lines of 'Avril Lavigne or Hillary Duff?' Is that a question that even needs an answer? And if so, can the answer be 'neither'?

Exhibit B: 'avril lavigne p*u*n*k princess'
Like the Sex Pistols and Stiff Little Fingers before her, Avril Lavigne is the modern embodiment of punk. She also like pink things and tiaras. And not spelling her name with capital letters (which is a claim wildly at odds with the title of the last group). This group is full of punk factoids about Lavigne. For instance, where Lydon was intolerant of the government, Lavinge is lactose intolerant. And has asthma. Take that, establishment!

Exhibit C: '<<...Legend of Avril Lavigne...>>'
One could be forgiven for thinking that because this is the first group to correctly write Lavigne's name it must also be the most intelligent of said groups. But then one reads the group description: "This goup for avril lavigne fans only that we will say one word that 'We love Avril Lavigne'. So. Many. Flaws. First, what is a 'goup'? It sounds like sloppy gout. Second, since when is 'We love Avril Lavigne' one word? It isn't even hyphenated! And really, since when is Avril Lavigne a legend? She certainly robs from the rich world of music and adds to the poor, but to call her a legend suggests that when my sister saw her live in Wembley Arena she was actually watching a near mythical-character.

Exhibit D: 'If this group reaches 100,000 members, Avril Lavigne must cum to A.D. (AbuDhabi)'
With current group membership at a phenomenal 325 people, Ms. Lavigne should probably book her flights now...

Exhibit E: 'avril lavigne can't sing, but by god i'd pork her!'
Agreed, Pamela Popp of Chicago. Agreed.

mp3: 'Knocking On Heaven's Door' by Avril Lavigne

Buy Lavigne

Facebook Band Group Analysis: Gym Class Heroes

New feature time! The aim of Facebook Band Group Analysis is to reinforce my beliefs about my favourite, and least favourite bands by looking at what Facebook groups are available, fan or otherwise. I'm hoping I'll find that most people are sensible, and like the bands I like, and hate the bands I hate. Somehow, I feel it won't work that simply. My first focus group, so to speak, are Gym Class Heroes, who I recently claimed in print to be my least favourite band of all time. I stick by that, too. Let the experiment begin:

Exhibit A: 'Gym Class Heroes'
Apparently the 'official' Facebook group for the band, though I'm not entirely sure an international hip-hop group would entrust that honour to a bloke called Darren from Kent State University, Ohio. Just sayin'. Still, with a group membership of over 2,250 people, I'm more concerned for those involved than over the legitimacy of their claims.

Exhibit B: 'Bring Gym Class Heroes to Booker T. Washington High School'
I'm only hoping that due to group name length restrictions Facebook had to cut off 'so that we can gas them in the gym.' Somehow I reckon that the only reason for there to be 110 members to this group is that they all live on the exact opposite side of the world from Booker T. Washington High, and are aiming to keep the band as far away from them as possible.

Exhibit C: 'Gym Class Heroes Stole From Supertramp'
Huzzah! This group has the right idea, extolling the gospel of Supertramp over the gobshite of GCH. The amount of friends who thought 'Cupid's Chokehold' was an original song still depresses me now. It's a shame that only 136 people are on my side here.

Exhibit D: 'Friends Don't Let Friends Listen To Gym Class Heroes'
'This group is dedicated to having interventions with every friend, relative and passer-by you hear playing Gym Class Heroes'. That's a mission statement I can get behind. I may even donate some money to the cause...

Honourable mentions:
'Gym Class Heroes - They're The Reasons For Your Lesions' (actually a pro-GCHs group. Curious)
'Hey Gym Class Heroes, Supertramp wants their song back!'
''Gym Class Heroes - Clothes Off' has raped the original.'
'Lil Chris is a song stealer - Gym Class Heroes are 100% better' (I'll let you work out why I'm pissing myself laughing at that one...)